So here's an experience I went through today and I just felt the need to share it with you guys. . .
So as you may or may not know right now along with all of the artistic and entrepreneurial work I do, my (I guess you can say) "9 to 5" is working with children.
I love my job.
There is no greater joy I get than helping these kids as I do with my other community work as well.
It seems that every day there is something that these kids seem to teach me - about the world - about society - and even about myself.
Today was one of those great learning days for me.
...
SO -
We're getting on the train riding out to go on a trip. As the train was approaching I made an announcement to all of the children letting them know to lower their voices as not to disturb anyone else on the train as well as not to run or push when getting on the train trying to get a seat due to the safety hazards it would produce.(Of course I said this in a dumbed down format for them to understand. But you get the point. lol)
Anyway, so as we're getting on the train lo' and behold one young girl from my class starts to push and run to a seat on the train. (For many reasons I will not use this child's name) But, I called this girl out sternly and asked her to walk back over to where I was. I also told her that due to her actions and also her not following instructions that she would stand for the current moment and would have to wait for a seat. She listened and held on to the pole right next to me. Like any other child who got in trouble she pouted, but this was completely not an issue for it was a lesson that she needed to learn - Not in any mean way or anything it was just one of those moments where as a child caretaker you have to enforce the discipline in a child.
So a few minutes into the ride, my supervisor happens to notice this young girl and her face so he decides to ask her what was wrong and what was bothering her. In my mind I thought ok she's just going to tell him how she got in trouble and this will be done with. Instead however the girl replies - "I miss my dad." . . . My heart stopped. And I had to fight back tears.
My supervisor continues to try and comfort/distract the girl's mind by asking her if she is excited about the trip that we were going on since we were going to Fun Fusion in New Rochelle and they would be able to play games, etc. She said - "Well . . . yea, but I'm sad because I haven't seen my dad in a long time." She continues to say "I have to Dads. But the Dad with my mom I don't like very much. And my other dad lives very far away." My supervisor then asks "Well How long haven't you seen your dad?" The girl replies "I don't know." My supervisor then says, "Well how about this? Why don't we go out and have a nice and fun day today. And when we get back to the program, lets sit down and write a letter about your day so you can send to your dad." The girl nodded her head and seemed to brighten up quickly after this proposal.
I applaud my supervisor for how he handled that situation because that was a very touchy and emotional topic and I feel he handled it very well.
What killed me however was - I thought back to about 3 years ago when I was also working in an after-school program and another young girl in my class at the time was having a rough day and when I had asked her What was up and what was wrong, she also replied - "I miss my dad." I remember relating to the girl and saying "Well I haven't seen my dad in a long time as well so I can understand how you feel. But It's going to be ok." That day I remember having to tell one of my co-workers to watch my class for me for a moment and I went to the bathroom and cried.
Now when thinking of the girl who was involved in this situation today, I think of all of her actions throughout this summer as well as all of her difficulties and how she has carried herself. The times of her low self-esteem, and how it was difficult for her to be with other children without some kind of conflict. I think of the times she cried for things that to us outsiders - really didn't seem like something to cry about. But now I understand. This girl is going through some hurts inside that none of us see.
Immediately after this situation, in my mind I prayed... I prayed for this little girl to find the comfort and satisfaction she needs in her life. I prayed for this little girl to find and feel the love that she felt she lacked. And I prayed for the tons of other kids today who are also going through this hard time of not having a father around.
...
So we get to a few minutes back, and - well I have my son for tonight. Me and his mother have been having some difficulties, and are going through a situation I would have never wanted my family to go through.
When my son was younger I watched him all day while his mother went ot work. I took care of him, fed him, and changed his diapers, for a little over his first year of life.
He is now about to be 2 and things have changed a bit where I am working crazy hours, I'm not home with his mother, and have had to travel, and do a lot of outside work for these companies to prosper.
But I held him tonight after watching a few cartoons and reading him some of his favorite books before putting him to bed. I laid him down and he started to cry hysterically. I held him immediately. He held me tight and called "Daddy".
He then lifted his head off of my shoulder and pointed to the door and said "bye bye". I said "No man, its time to go to sleep" in a soothing voice. He continued to cry and called my name. I held him tight and said a prayer. In my mind I thought - Damn. I have missed him a lot lately. There's been a lot going on, and I always said I never wanted him to go through the broken home experience or to feel like I wasn't there. I have vowed and shall not break the fact that I MUST be there on the first day of school. I must be there for any little league games or practices. I MUST.
But I thought also . . . Damn he must have been missing me lately. I wonder if he thought I was going to leave. I spoke to him in his ear and told him "Daddy is always going to be here man. I love you. You do not have to ever be afraid. You will grow up and be the strongest man ever to walk on this earth." I told him "You are going to walk with God, and be a warrior for his word." And again I cried. I kissed him and said another quick prayer for our family and my son laid back down in the bed on his own. He went to sleep and I decided to share my experience with you guys.
Pray for our families. They have been under attack for way too long now. And in this crazy world I think the thing hurting us the most is these broken homes. Please if you are reading this pray for us. Pray for your family. your parents, and your children or children to come. If you want, send this message along. I feel this is affecting our world way too much right now and I will not go down without a fight for our families. I hope you guys will fight with me.
-All is Love
-Feel-X
And this is seriously my personal story as a man - Brandon Morel. For anyone who may get this story that may not know me personally - this is truth.
